When you can’t
When I was taking the Reiki course with the master Marla Mervis she told me how important it was to pay attention to the words we choose, and she reinforced some extra care when using “can’t.”
She said that I should replace it with “I choose not to” because that would be truer in most cases, and we must be true to ourselves. Besides, it doesn’t have the “heaviness” of not being able to do something.
When a friend of mine told something similar over the phone, I thought I’d had enough signal from the Universe to share this with my audience. And that is why he now have this really short but useful post.
Here is what Marie states in her book:
“Let’s start by looking at your language and two common words that blur your ability to be honest with yourself. Those two four-letter words are “can’t” and “won’t.” Think about how often people say some version of the following:Excerpt From: Marie Forleo. “Everything Is Figureoutable.”
I can’t get up and work out every day.
I can’t find the time to get writing done.
I can’t __ [take the class/learn the language/start the venture/etc.] because I can’t afford it.
Here’s the problem: 99 percent of the time when we say we “can’t” do something, “can’t” is a euphemism for “won’t.” What does “won’t” mean? “Won’t” means we’re not willing. In other words . . .”
She suggests that you replace can’t with won’t to reclaim your own power and no longer remain as a victim of your circumstances. Of course, this change can lead to some hard-to-face trues or even difficult conversations. Maybe resetting boundaries and responsibilities… in other words: saying no to things.
“But, Marie, things are happening to me right now that I have no control over because of the culture and society I was born into. How am I responsible for those things?”Excerpt From: Marie Forleo. “Everything Is Figureoutable.”
You’re right. There are external forces, situations, and social constructs that affect us all. What’s crucial to understand is that no matter what happened in your past or what’s happening now, if you’re not at least willing to take full responsibility for your life—which includes your thoughts, feelings, and behavior—you give up the power to change it.”
The reality is that most of us are not in any extreme situation and can benefit from this small change in our vocabulary. So… are you in or you “can’t” use this tool?